Blog

  • 7 February 2019 at 08 : 31 AM

    Not Yet Uhuru

    Posted by in Blog , News , Polemics , Random Musings , Satire 0

    From my archive   “Neo-colonialism, after all, is not centered in a vacuum. It is built on the previous colonial history of the country in which it operates, from foundation that the colonial regime lays before its ostensible departure. The object of neo-colonialism is to ensure that power is handed to men who are moderate […]

     

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  • 4 February 2019 at 08 : 46 AM

    Mrs. Abacha goes back to School

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    From my archives   After reading that the wife of Nigerian strongman, Mrs. Mariam Abacha, and other top military guns have enrolled in crash French courses, I decided to find out what gives. Two frustrating days of dialing, re-dialing and I finally got Abuja. “Mademoiselle Abacha’s Ville. Que je t’aide?” A sing-song voice asked me. […]

     

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  • 30 January 2019 at 08 : 23 AM

    General Abacha needs a PRman

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    From my Archives A satire by Femi Akomolafe   Russia, Winston Churchill once quipped, is a riddle inside a mystery wrapped in an enigma (or something like that). Nigerians must be feeling the same about their military ruler, General Sanni Abacha. Since he took power close to two years ago, the strongman has held only […]

     

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  • 25 January 2019 at 08 : 26 AM

    Computerese

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    From my archives. A satire by Femi Akomolafe   I was consuming a large portion of rice with stew, fish and the works when Joe Appiah burst in, sweating profusely like a marathon runner. His whiskers were quivering like leaves in a harmattan wind. Having raced the stairs to my second-floor domicile, he was panting […]

     

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  • 20 January 2019 at 22 : 02 PM

    From my Archives: Nigeria: The Curse Of Reluctant Leaders

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    From my Archives: Nigeria: The Curse Of Reluctant Leaders   It is said that “ifs” are useless tools of historical analyses; but one cannot but wonder what the trajectory of the Nigeria nation would have been IF she been blessed with leaders with vision in the mold of Kwame Nkrumah, Lee Kuan Yew, or Mahathir […]

     

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  • 20 January 2019 at 22 : 52 PM

    Making our education relevant

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    From my archives: Making our education relevant   Methinks that education should be part of society’s tool of development. In many countries outside Africa that I know, universities and polytechnics and other tertiary institutions are closely linked with industries and agriculture. Of course, since the state’s set the agenda, it also has a lot to […]

     

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  • 20 January 2019 at 22 : 30 PM

    G8 +4 and other Jazz

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    From my Archives: G8 +4 and other Jazz   Wow, who say there is no God! I will praise thy name, oh my savior, I will praise thee for ever more… My brother, what is going on, what is the good tiding? Ah, my brother, this good news is too good to be true. Ah, […]

     

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  • 20 January 2019 at 22 : 14 PM

    For Nigerians, Life Is April Fools’ Day

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    From my Archives: For Nigerians, Life Is April Fools’ Day   My Books on Amazon Africa: it shall be well: https://tinyurl.com/sn64ocd Africa: Destroyed by the gods: https://tinyurl.com/vglfk7w 18 African Fables & Moonlight Stories: https://tinyurl.com/s7qrp4p Try and get your copy. And, please, help me share the links. Kind regards, Femi Akomolafe   Ha, my broda, long […]

     

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  • 16 January 2019 at 08 : 10 AM

    Of Sex and Non-Sex

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    From my Archives   A fellow once described Bill Clinton as a man with the integrity of hyena. I think that was an apt description of this man who, apparently, have problems zipping his pants. At the risk of being deemed judgmental, I must say that I find wily Bill an incredible man to fathom. […]

     

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  • 8 January 2019 at 09 : 10 AM

    Passing the Buck

    Posted by in Blog , Polemics , Random Musings , Satire 0

    Love is pure, harmonious, unselfish and it makes no demands. Marriage is a gymnasium of insincerity, with each partners fine-tuning the acrobatic art of telling sweet lies. Marriage is demanding and competitive; each partner goes into it looking to get the better of the other. Few honest men will tell you that get into marriage because of love. Men go into a marriage to conquer, dominate and become an aristocrat or, as it sometimes happens, out of sheer sympathy. Occasionally, they marry because family and peer pressures are driving them nuts. Women mostly go into it to think of themselves as householders instead of glorified house-keepers or because family pressure has become unbearable. As in most other human institutions, marriage is heavier on women. In marriage, a man gets a housemaid, a bed-mate (or sex-pot), a cook, a mother, a nanny, a dishwasher and a therapist thrown in for good measure. In marriage, a woman gets more undesired, unrequited sex than in prostitution. She lost everything – her name, her privacy, her self-respect, self-esteem and all the attention and the approving nods of all men, just for the indifference and insouciance of one SOB, who sleeps with anything in skirt, and throws tantrums like a three-year-old kid, if his dinner is late or his socks is misplaced or his wife as much as look at another man. In marriage, a woman remains a parenthesis; she’s the wife of so and so, the mother of them and them.

    Are you above making mistakes? Ama was looking for an escape chute.

    Any mortal is capable of mistakes. That’s why they say to err is human. But as I already told you, I don’t agree that such things like making babies should ever be mistakes. They are far too important. That’s why it behooves every lady to be responsible – they are the only people nature endowed with the capacity to be mothers.

    Supposing you’re a lady.

    I don’t like suppositions. To me, my body is a temple; my only temple. Nothing gets into my body except what I approve off. I don’t think that my gender would have made any difference. I believe that every being with enough self- respect can ensure that his\her body is not abused by who\whatsoever. A lady who has enough respect for her body can ensure that no accident will ever happen as far as pregnancy is concerned.

    You are cruel. Ama wailed.

    No, I am not cruel. I am honest.

     

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