Baghdad Ghosts
Posted by By Akogun Akomolafe at 3 October, at 11 : 12 AM Print
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(a satire)
buffalo soldiers
“Hey Saddam goon, so we finally got you?”
“You, Buffalo Soldier! Who are we?”
“We the mighty armed forces of the United States of America; the greatest fighting manpower in the world.”
“You meant the United Snakes of America? You madafacker Buffalo Soldiers are simply beyond irony. They shipped your madafackingass from your jungle in Africa with a promise of a fucking Green Card, and you got your fucking head snipered off in the deserts of Arabia. How foolish could you get?”
“Hey, watch the lingo, babe. It is ‘mother’ not ‘mada.’ And it is ‘fucking,’ and not ‘facking.’ You died fighting for that mother, Saddam. Have you fucking seen his motherfucking face anyway? I’d love to give him a mighty slap on his motherfucking dictatorial face.”
“Why don’t you kick the fucker who shipped you out to go fight for oil in Arabia? Why won’t you guys ever learn?”
“What the fuck ya mean?
“Your forebears were shipped out like sardines centuries ago when you were engaged in your silly little tribal jungle wars. Your folks were used and abused without pay for four hundred years. They were promised a bull and forty acres and, of course, they got no shit. They worked their nigger asses off picking cotton and planting tobacco for the Man. What did they get in return for all their toil? I will tell you, nigger moron. What they got was whipping, raping and lynching. That’s what your fucking forebears got from the Perfidious Albion. They bred your ancestors like some cattle, practicing incest on their own daughters to sell their offspring at the auctions, the way you auction off bales of cotton or barrel of pork. They used your folks as cannon fodders in their so-called war of independence. You learnt absolutely nothing from your history, you wretched madafacker. Here you are today, still going around the world with your slavish mentality. The chain has been removed from your neck, but it hangs solidly on your brain. Two hundred years after your so-called emancipation, you demented Buffalo Soldiers fools are still doing all the dying for the Albinos, for causes that do not remotely concern you. Your people were there in San Juan making the world save for democracy, whilst your own people were still in bondage. You were there in Europe fighting like hell whilst they kept your asses in segregated pens and while the Ku Klux Klan was hanging your folks from every tree in America. You fools were there fighting to give freedom to the Vietnamese when Yankee police and soldiers were mowing your folks down on the streets of America, for asking for a little freedom. You guys are the biggest fools among the fools. At least I died in my country, defending the freedom and integrity of my country and my people.”
“Hey, Saddam goon, you have been reading lotta of historical rubbish. There have been tremendous changes. And for your own information, I came here on my own free will.”
“”Hey Buffalo Soldier, they promised you Green Card on wheel, that’s the only reason you shipped your silly ass over here to fight and died in a war that have nothing to do with you.”
“You are really reading the wrong script. Things have change.”
“Of course, things have change, like having more of you nigger morons in jails than in school. Like confining your madafacking nigger asses in your ghettoes, where they swarm you with dope, drugs and gun, so that you can off as many of your own people as possible. Yeah, things have changed like using you madafackers in their syphilis experiments. Like their FBI launching their COINTELPRO against you. Of course, things have change. At least you now have the freedom to sing: “Don’t worry; be happy! And one nigger is now president, right”
“And you, so life under Saddam were all glory and no pain?”
“I told you I have no truck with Saddam; I died for my country. What did you die for?”
“We are extending the light of democracy and freedom to you camel-fucking, tent dwelling Bedouins.”
“It is not only your geography you got terribly wrong. Your knowledge of history and culture is terribly skewed. For your information, I am a well bred Iraqi Arab. And we have a solid history of civilisation that stretches back to some five thousand years. My ancestors built cities and irrigated agricultural fields when the ancestors of those that sent you here lived in caves. And you talk of democracy and freedom like you nigger morons enjoy any of it.”
“So, are you saying the world should down and watch while your Saddam was pouring chemicals on his own people?”
cape buffalo
“Who supplied him with the chemicals, you silly nigger moron? And you sanctimonious madafacking hypocrite, who are you to condemn anyone? Your own goddamned country used Agent Orange extensively against the Vietnamese. Who the fack are you to condemn anyone?
“Where you going now, Saddam goon?”
“I told you madafacker stop calling me Saddam goon. Anyhow, I am going to look for the MAN.”
“You mean the Allah guy?”
“He’s not the Allah guy, you blasphemous madafacker.”
“Whatever. What you gonna do with him anyway? Shoot his ass off?”
“You are really a looner. You cannot kill the Almighty. I got me some questions to ask HIM.”
“Like what, Saddam goon?”
“Like why he created deadbeat nigger morons like you and the puppet masters that control you.”
“You cannot be serious. You should ask him why he created your camel-fucking ass in the first place.”
“You are really full of shit, Buffalo Soldier. Won’t you like to know why he created the Master who is doing nothing apart from plaguing us?”
“If your Saddam hasn’t brutalized his own people and if my own government can provide my basic needs, the one you called Master would not have occasion to plague us as you put it.”
“There is widespread poverty in many European countries, mostly in the East. There is also widespread violence and dictatorship. Take Belorussia for example. But no black man or Arab is interfering in their affairs. Why should the Master always take it upon himself to interfere in other people’s affairs? The Albinos are a minority in the world, how do they come to be interfering all over the world? That’s what I am going to ask HIM?”
“You think that your Allah guy got time for shitheads like you? Don’t you think that he’s too busy with the big picture?”
“Maybe HE hasn’t got time for madafacker Kaffirs like you. He’s got all the time for righteous folks like me.”
“You righteous! Give me a break. You were shooting off the heads of soldiers from God’s own land and you dare call yourself righteous! Anyway, you still tell me exactly what it is that you have against those whom you call Master.”
“Did you send your nigger’s ear to exile all these time? Specifically, I gonna ask HIM that: “When we look at the behavior of the Master closely; when we study his anti-Man and anti-Nature philosophy and psychology; when we examine his reckless and rampant unsustainable technological ‘progress;’ when we consider is irrational racism; when we look at his insane and insatiable greediness; when we consider his constant obsession with himself (narcissism); when we study his aberrant and maladjusted psychosexual behavior; when we observe critically his unnatural penchant for aggression and domination; when we study his illogical and senseless rape of the earth’s resources for today’s gratification; when we analyze his penchant for the reckless pursuit of a science without a conscience; when we examine his lack of culture and disdain for things cultural; when we explore his unnatural unconcern for his habitat; when we scrutinize his propensity to do violence to both Man and Nature; when we study closely his natural inclination for warring; when we look at his proclivity for waste, why on earth did HE create him. That is what I want to ask HIM.”
About the Author
Femi Akomolafe is a passionate Pan-Africanist. A columnist for the Accra-based Daily Dispatch newspaper and Correspondent for the New African magazine. Femi lives in both Europe and Africa, and writes regularly on Africa-related issues for various newspapers and magazines.
Femi was the producer of the FOCUS ON AFRICANS TV Interview programme for the MultiTV Station.
He is also the CEO of Alaye Dot Biz Limited Dot Biz, a Kasoa-based Multimedia organisation that specialises in Audio and Video Production. He loves to shoot and edit video documentaries.
His highly-acclaimed books (“Africa: Destroyed by the gods,” “Africa: It shall be well,” “18 African Fables & Moonlight Stories” and “Ghana: Basic Facts + More”) are now available for sales at the following bookshops/offices:
- Freedom Bookshop, near Apollo Theatre, Accra.
- The Daily Dispatch Office, Labone – Accra
- WEB Dubois Pan-African Centre, Accra
- Ghana Writers Association office, PAWA House, Roman Ridge, Accra.
- African Kitchen in Amsterdam Bijlmer
Where to buy them online:
On Lulu Books:
18 African Fables & Moonlight Stories https://goo.gl/Skohtn
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Africa: It shall be well: https://goo.gl/KIMcIm
Africa: it shall be well
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Africa: Destroyed by the gods
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on Lulu Books: http://goo.gl/KIMcIm
My Lulu Books page: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/FemiAkomolafe
Get free promotional materials here:
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A FREE Chapter of ‘Africa: Destroyed by the gods’ could be downloaded here: http://alaye.biz/africa-destroyed-by-the-gods-free-chapter/
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Comradely,
Femi Akomolafe
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