Ghana: the descent of the imperialists
Posted by By Akogun Akomolafe at 25 November, at 16 : 30 PM Print
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A polemical satire by Femi Akomolafe
Hello, Femi, it has been a long while!
Greetings. Please, with whom am I speaking?
Hahaha… So, you don’t recognize my voice again… You paaaaaa…!
I will not be asking you if I do. Your name, please?
You will never change, Femi. You remain as contrarian as ever. Anyway, my name is Yao Quaye. I hope that I still register with you.
Hey, Yao. Long time no see, no hear, no nothing. How is life treating you, old friend?
So, now you remember? Anyway, why have you been silent all these months? We no longer hear from you. Have you given up on writing? Why did you stop writing?
Hmmm. I have been busy with other things.
Like what?
Private things, if you get my drift.
Does that mean you no longer follow the news?
That is not the same thing…
What do you mean it is not the same thing? Do you mean that you monitor the news but refuse to write?
Precisely. You are mantic!
This is no time for wisecracks, my friend…
I am sorry…
What are you sorry for, my friend? Did you read about the visit of Prince Charles?
Yes, I did.
And what do you make of it?
It is none of my business…
Really, what do you mean that it is none of your business?
Precisely that, I mind my own busi…
Oh, before we get into this Prince Charles visit, why do you think that Western leaders are descending on Ghana? Former British Foreign Minister Boris Johnson was here. German Chancellor Merkel came calling. The one from Italy also came. The Inelegant Dancing Robot, Theresa May, herself was here. Now, their Prince and his wife also came. What a gwan, as you Rastas say!
How would I know? Maybe they like our weather. They also could be trying to escape from their political hullabaloo at home. It is also possible that the mellifluous sound of our president is so inviting to their ears…
You think?
I told you that I don’t know what drove them to our shores.
Don’t be naïve. Do you, like our leaders, actually believe that these imperialists are here because they like our faces, or enjoy the stench from our shitholes? It is very sad to see how badly misinformed those that rule us are about global affairs. How on earth can our leaders be seen grinning like mindless village idiots as they welcome a boorish racist like Boris Johnson? Didn’t you read what he said about Black people?
Who?
I am talking about the racist Former Foreign Minister of the UK, Boris Johnson.
I am afraid I don’t follow his speeches. I have better employment for my time.
You! He was an unapologetic racist of the tallest order. In 2002, he wrote: “It is said that the queen has come to love the Commonwealth, partly because it supplies her with regular cheering crowds of flag-waving picaninnies”. In the same year, he wrote in the Spectator magazine, “The best fate for Africa would be if the old colonial powers, or their citizens, scrambled once again in her direction, on the understanding that this time they would not be asked to feel guilty”. When he was the Editor of the spectator, the racist allowed a columnist to write this in the paper: “Orientals have larger brains and higher IQ scores. Blacks are the other way.” On the Congo, he told us that the warmonger Tony Blair would be met with “watermelon smiles”. That was the man who our leaders allowed to visit and was welcomed like some savior.
Hmmm…
Is that all that you can come up with, hmmmmm?
What else do you expect me to say?
What type of minds do you think that our leaders possess?
Psychology is not my forte.
Didn’t you read about some of the outrageous things our leaders did to welcome the British Prince?
Like what?
They named a Park at the Kwame Nkrumah University in Kumasi after Prince Charles, just imagine that?
What is wrong with naming a park after a visiting dignitary?
Et Tu, Femi? Don’t you know the history of the university? I’ll tell you. Kwame Nkrumah established the university to help with the country’s technological take-off. Nkrumah wrote the seminal work on Neo-Colonialism. He is widely regarded as a foremost Theoretician of Imperialism. He was the greatest thorn in the flesh of the imperialists in his day. He relentlessly fought them. To name a part of the university he established after a potent symbol of imperialism like Prince Charles is not only an insult, it is a sacrilege. It appears that the current rulers in Ghana will never miss an opportunity to besmirch Nkrumah’s legacy. Did you see the banners plastered around town to welcome the Prince?
I am sorry, but I didn’t look.
I am sure you didn’t. One of them read: “Shared Past, Shared Future”. Femi, can you imagine our leaders saturating our streets with such a stupid message? What past did we share with Britain except as victims of slavery, colonialism, and serving as cannon-fodder in their stupid wars, and as victims of their unremitting exploitation, and their racism? Do you think that our leaders studied our history?
How would I know?
Did you read the welcoming message of the Asantehene?
I told you that I gave the whole visit a miss.
Can you imagine the King of the Asantes asking the Prince to come and help develop Ghana?
Please, what exactly is wrong with that?
You, too! The Asantehene has lived in the UK. He still maintains a residence there. He should know the pathetic condition of the British state, and the disastrous mess of the British economy, with Brexit and all that. He knows that the Isle of iniquities has no natural resources of its own and that the British have built their economy only by the super-exploitation of their colonies. So, we have the interesting story of an Ashanti king, sitting on vast resources of gold, timber and all that, appealing to a Prince of a source-deprived island to come and help him develop his country. Do you know my biggest worry when I see African leaders gallivanting around with their begging bowls?
I am sure that you are going to tell me.
We sit on vast natural resources. Our leaders, actually they are misrulers, collar a large part of these to take good care of themselves – big palaces, mighty jeeps, personal jets and all that, but when it comes to providing basic services for the people, they plead poverty and start begging the world to come to their aid? Do we see them beg before they allocate to themselves their fat salaries, emoluments, per diems, jeeps, palaces, etc, etc?
Instead of judiciously utilizing these resources to improve the lives of their people, our leaders sold us to their Masters for a song. They receive their pecuniary gains and continue to function in the roles the slave-masters assigned to them. Do you know what gets my goat?
I don’t read minds, my friend.
The honour and accolades our leaders continue to lavish on the imperialists, the terrorists, and the historical oppressors of our people. The president dashed the British prince Ghana’s highest honour, without telling us what was done to deserve it. And the Asantehene misread his history books and proclaimed the Commonwealth the “finest creation of modern history”. Can you imagine that?
Hmmm.
Femi, why are you suddenly tongue-tied?
I don’t think that anything I do or say will make any difference.
How can the Asante King call an organization like the Commonwealth a fine creation, not to mention the finest creation of modern history? What exactly is common, Femi? What is common between us and the perfidious British? Tell me! And where the hell is the Wealth? So, because the king receives special dispensations when he travels to the UK, he forgets about his people who are treated worse than scum when they go to apply for UK visas? Does the king make it his business to find out how much Ghanaians lose in unrefunded fees for visas that were denied them? Or does he forget that Ghanaians need a visa to go to their so-called Motherland? As though that effrontery of the king was not enough insult, the president decorated the prince with the Order of the Star of Ghana. For your information, Femi, the Order of the Star of Ghana is the highest award given by the Government of Ghana to any individual who has helped the cause of the country in one way or another. Pray, tell me, in what ways has the British prince, or the country he represents, helped Ghana? Femi, I am so angry. So, bloody angry…
Hmmm…
Do you know what I really would like to see, Femi?
I told you that I don’t read minds…
I would like that every visitor to our shores will dispense with protocol and tell our misrulers some home truths.
Home truths?
Yes. Yes. Home, naked, unvarnished, ungarnished, the absolute truth.
And what would that home truth be?
It is quite simple, Femi. It is insane that our leaders continue to live opulent lifestyles and go around begging. The motorcade that follows our president is longer than that of any European leader. How can a president that travels around in a convoy of twenty or more expensive jeeps be pleading poverty? That is the truth our leaders need to be told. Very few European leaders today have jets; our presidential fleet boasts of two. The Otumfuo motorcade is longer and more expensive than that of Prince Charles, why should the King be begging for assistance? Those that lead us are so totally disconnected from our reality. That is the only reason the president can wake up and tell us that his main priority is to build a National Cathedral. That is the only reason we have the King of the Ashantis spending money to translate the Bible into Akan instead of using his money and wealth to fight the endemic poverty in his kingdom. The foreign visitors know all these things, and I think that they will be doing us a great favour if they try to tell our leaders to up their own act before they bring out the begging bowl.
Femi Akomolafe is a passionate Pan-Africanist. A columnist for the Accra-based Daily Dispatch newspaper andModernGhana, and Correspondent for the New African magazine, Femi lives in both Europe and Africa and writes regularly on Africa-related issues for various newspapers and magazines.
Femi was the producer of the FOCUS ON AFRICANS TV Interview programme for the MultiTV Station.
He was also the Man and Machine Coordinator at Alaye Dot Biz Limited, a Kasoa-based Multimedia organization that specializes in Audio and Video Production. He loves to shoot and edit video documentaries.
His highly-acclaimed books (“Africa: Destroyed by the gods,” “Africa: It shall be well,” “18 African Fables & Moonlight Stories” and “Ghana: Basic Facts + More”) are available for sales at the following bookshops/offices:
- Freedom Bookshop, near Apollo Theatre, Accra.
- WEB Dubois Pan-African Centre, Accra
- Ghana Writers Association office, PAWA House, Roman Ridge,
Where to buy them online:
On Lulu Books:
18 African Fables & Moonlight Stories https://goo.gl/Skohtn
Ghana: Basic Facts + More: https://goo.gl/73ni99
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Africa: It shall be well: https://goo.gl/KIMcIm
Africa: it shall be well
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Africa: Destroyed by the gods
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18 African Fables & Short Stories: https://goo.gl/s9tWAf
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on Lulu Books: http://goo.gl/KIMcIm
My Lulu Books page: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/FemiAkomolafe
Get free promotional materials here:
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